Decisions, decisions
How do you make a good decision? Should you lean on expert research, consult a trusted panel of family and friends, make pro / con lists into oblivion, or go with your gut?
The mid-20s have been marked by a curious phenomenon amongst my peers: countless conversations now lead to those forks in the road, the ‘should I do this, move here, try something new, stick to my path?’ It may be exacerbated by our collective brain fog in this pandemic, combined with the unshakeable knowledge that as the years are flying by, our time is now definitively limited. There’s not that many years left for frivolous experimentation and exploration.
For me, the crux of personal decision making has always come down to the tension between choosing growth and choosing comfort. That might be the more obvious framing (of course most people would like to convince themselves that their decisions are not from following the path of least resistance). The more nuanced framing would be: am I happy where I am now, or do I think there is something better out there that I must try to find? As in, do I settle for the life I have now, which is very good already, or do I give it up in the hopes of finding a life that is more — more fulfilling, more interesting, more of what I want? And do I think I’ll find myself to be more fulfilling, more interesting, more ‘me’ as a result? At what point should we stop wanting more? Is this a greed or is this a natural human drive?
Regardless, decisions are made on a daily basis by each of us. Decisions that shape our next day, year, and life. We need to trust that we are able to handle these decisions and able to make them soundly.
One decision that I have wavered on for this entire past year is whether to go back for my MBA. I applied at the tail end of leaving a company and community that I loved, but had come to outgrow. I found myself 5 years into a very happy and comfortable life in San Francisco, having explored 3 companies, 4 neighborhoods, many friendships and outdoors adventures around the Bay. It is a really good life. I am grateful every day to be able to live in such a dynamic, intellectually stimulating and fair weathered city. At the same time, a part of me is itching to see what else is out there in the ‘infinite abyss.’
At this current moment, I am deciding not to go for the MBA. To get here, I employed as many decision making tools as I could.
1) I did a ton of external research.
I reached out to coworkers and alumni of the schools I was considering to get their perspective on how the MBA shaped their career and what they think the value of the degree was in hindsight. Some of these were first degree connections, others were cold outreaches. Almost everyone replied and was enthusiastic to share their experience, most being very honest about the factors that influenced their choices. I learned from these conversations that the degree can be a very practical tool to make a quick pivot, allow for relocation to a new city, or in some cases, delay more permanent decisions around committing to a career path :)
2) I consulted my trusted ‘personal board of directors.’
I lean heavily on my trusted close friends, family and work mentors when making important life decisions, because they are the ones who not only have seen how I show up in the world, but also can offer observations and address blindspots that I otherwise would miss. While those with limited context on your lived experience can be quick to offer advice, those who are in the trenches with you through the ups and downs of life can be more thoughtful in asking the right questions that guide you to making your decision for yourself, naturally.
3) I visualized what the consequences of the decision looks like for both scenarios and weighed the tradeoffs.
Given the MBA is such a large financial investment, I made a budget for the next year based on a Go vs No Go decision. It helped me to check the box on whether the decision would be realistic financially, and that way allowed me to make the decision based on other qualitative factors.
I also researched the housing options near campus, talked to a few potential students who could be roommates, and visited a few friends in the program after getting accepted, to visualize what life would be like in actuality, not in my head. This is important: As an idealist, it’s easy to fantasize what the future might look like, which is why getting acquainted with the reality of a situation is very important for good decision making!
4) After having done all the homework, I sat on the decision for as long as I could and listened to my gut (or heart, or intuition, or whatever you think that inner voice of yours is telling you).
I knew that decision was signalling a deeper feeling of wanting to find purpose in my work and life. Even after having traveled to a few different cities in the last few months, I returned to my apartment, feeling restless still. I realized I needed to sit with my thoughts and worries, quiet down, and really listen to what is surfacing. I realized that what is holding me back from unlocking the next stage of my career growth is not more business education, or moving to a new city, which are just temporary fixes. In fact, the opportunity I have is to find more focus and long term thinking around my career goals and my life’s work. This is something that people spend decades committing themselves to! Having come to this conclusion, I instead am focusing my attention on slowing down, exploring new opportunities as they come, and getting a career coach to supplement my discovery of what fuels my fire and makes me feel alive in a work setting.
I think a version of this can be a repeatable process, one that gets easier and faster with practice, just like exercising.
Yes, the thrill of the unknown will always be more exciting than the life that we currently live, breathe, and inhabit every day. It’s impossible to compare imperfect Reality with the perfect Unknown — that’s because the Unknown is often Unknowable until after we have made our decision!
We might be genetically programmed to have a grass is greener mentality, but really, the grass is greener where you water it. Choose wisely :)